A toy for the past
by Mr.Crouch'sDaughter
Summary: Janeway tries to forget the past, but she doesn't have sucess. Warning: F/F slash!!! Janeway/ new character, but also Janeway/ Seven mentioned.


Disclaimer: Star Trek is owned by Paramount Pictures and I don't earn money with this story!!! A toy for the past  
  
Kisses, set on my body. Hands, moving over it, caressing me. Making me sigh and moan. I can feel her breath on my naked skin. Her sweet lips are wandering over my face. She's the one working; she's the one that can take me to a climax. It's real but also fantasy. I never touch her. I never make her come. Sometimes I kiss her, sometimes I don't. But my hands never touch her body, her athletic figure. I don't know how it feels to touch her. But I can imagine when I see her naked, lying beside me and giving me what I want. What I desire. I told her she could have sex with other women. Women that want touch her. I know there are many that would die for her. And die just to touch her. Women that could make her come, that could caress her. But she always says no when they ask her. And I believe that this will never change.  
  
She loves me. I know that also she never says so. Her eyes tell me. And I know that she loves to caress me. I see the look in her eyes when it's night and she's allowed to touch me. I'm her desire. She wants me, completely. And sometimes I feel ashamed because I don't want her the same way. I want to look at her and I want her to touch me. When I close my eyes, I can imagine everything. And I imagine that someone else is touching me. She's the toy that can bring back the past. That's not difficult for me. Maybe because she looks like her.  
  
Sometimes, when she sleeps, I look at her. She's younger than me and beautiful. Normally she looks serious and strong. But in her sleep she looks like a child.  
  
At the moment, she's not sleeping. She kisses me. Suddenly she looks up. 'Who am I?' I watch her, a little bit surprised. She's very intelligent, there most be something hidden in this words but I don't know what she is talking about. I decide to say something humorous. ' I always thought you'd know who you are.' ' I normally know who I am, yes. Just when I'm with you.' She stops, searching for words.' I don't know who I am. For you.' I stand up and looked outside the window.' Why do you wan to know that?' ' I want to know who you remember when I touch you. Whose name your calling in your mind when I make you come. Who you think about when you look at me. Who you love.' I know I can't lie to her. But I try it.' No one special.' She stands up. I watch her while she approaches me, naked.' ' It's that borg drone.' That was no question.' You know it?' I was really surprised.' I'm not stupid. I knew it must be someone of the Voyager crew. Someone who looks almost like me. What's her name? Seven of Nine? That's the name your calling.' I stand there silent.' Or maybe Annika. I don't know how you called her.' 'Seven. Just Seven.' I say and feel myself suddenly lost in memories. The day I stole her from the borg, the first day I kissed her, I touched her body. The nights we spent together even when she was married. I remembered the bad feelings I had because I slept with her also she was Chakotay's wife and I remember the good feelings that always let me forget the bad. And I remember the day I got the message she had died because of a silly shuttle accident. I remember the nights I cried and I realise how much I miss her.' I know you compare me to her and I know that she is much better to you. If we continue this, there may be a day when you realise I'm not like her, a day when you can't imagine anymore that's her who touches you, a day you'll find out that I'm just I. That will be a disappointment for you. A big disappointment. And I don't want to disappoint you. Because I love you. It will be better if we finish this. I'm leaving tomorrow, I've got a new job on a ship.' She has planned it. She has organized it. Ad I didn't recognize it. Maybe she's a better actress than I thought. A better one than me. I nod.' I'm happy you understand.' She wants to put her clothes on but I stop her.' I want to thank you for what you did for me.' I say.' I can't imagine something you could do to thank me.' She says.' But I can.' And I kiss her. The first time I am the one who touches her, who kisses her breasts, who move over her body. My hands touch her and my tongue caresses every part of her body. She moans when I get to her genitals and when I make her come she screams my name. The next morning, she kisses me. The last kiss she'll ever give me. For the last time I look at her, I see her face. I'm smiling while I say her Good- bye and I'm smiling when her ship leaves the station. I won't miss her. But I'll remember her. 


End file.
